I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
