Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
