my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
