can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
