I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
