Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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