She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
