Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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