You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
