Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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