weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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