I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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