Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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