theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
