At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
