Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
