Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
