Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
