she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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