I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
