I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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