He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
