I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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