Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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