A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
