She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
