Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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