it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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