it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
