Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I need to calm my uterus...
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
