she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
