so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
