i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
