Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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