why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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