Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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