I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Randomize
