I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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