somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
