I'm eating all of the evidence.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
