We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
