He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
