Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
