is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
