White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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