Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
