Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He? As in you personified your dick?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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