Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
