those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Is her dick bigger than yours?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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