I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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