I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
