I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Randomize
