I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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